There was no use talking, there was nothing to say

The second rite of passage for ELCA wanna-be pastors in The LTS class of 2011 is under way. The first, of course, is the survival of the Summer Greek Death March err Boot Camp Session. The second is the Clinical Pastoral Education. I am three weeks in, 40 week days to go. Given everything that I've experienced in hospitals over the past year, I think that you, dear reader, could understand my hesitance to sign up to spend the summer going to a hospital and talking to patients.

But I was encouraged to complete a unit. "It would be good for you." And so far it had been. I talked with patients who were going through near-identical procedures that my parents had. Mentally, I noted the similarity, but it didn't hit me emotionally.

Until today.

Yesterday, I was paged to talk to a patient and family who just found out his condition was inoperable and would soon take his life. In the hour I spent with them, I thought I might have brought just a little peace. Maybe not, but I did all I could. The man had some health issues that were similar to my dad, but I was ok with the comparison. I told them I would visit today.

Just seconds after I entered the patients' room today, he passed away. I tried to console the family to the best of my ability, but from being on the other side of that event, I know nothing would be comforting. But I tried.

But I can't get the tone out of my head. That tone the heart monitor makes when a patient's heart stops beating. I hear it. I hear it for this man and I hear it for my dad. And I can't get it to stop.




The Hooters - And We Danced

This song may seem trite, but it reminds me of better, happier days.

There was no use talking, there was nothing to say
When the band began to play and play

And we danced ... And we danced...


Happy Father's Day Dad. I love you.

Comments

Law+Gospel said…
((0)). You are in my prayers every day.
June 16, 2008 at 8:18 PM
Trish said…
Hey there, Coach. I'm still thinking about and praying for you, too. It's rough, especially that first Father's Day. Be kind to yourself, brother.
June 23, 2008 at 2:37 AM
Anonymous said…
God bless you coach. What you describe here is something you are going to face on internship as well. You probably already read it, but if not, pick up a copy of Wounded Healer by Henri J.M. Nouwen. It is a great book and it helps ministers ond caretakers reflect theologically onwhat it means to be "with" people in need at times such as the one you described here.
June 25, 2008 at 7:15 PM
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