Baptism of Fire
Brothers In Arms - Dire Straits - video from The West Wing
The high pitched whining you are about to encounter has not been approved by anyone except me. And I'm not so sure I agree with everything I typed, but BOY, did it feel good. I'm the Coach, and I half-heartedly approve this message.
This has been a tough week for the Class of 2011 at The LTS. Almost a third of us have been stricken with an especially virulent virus, combining congestion, sore throats & projectile vomiting. The plague, as we are referring to it in polite company, has laid some of the toughest amongst us low. It has pulled the heart out of some of the people who are most called to pastor to God's people and has weakened their bodies, and challenges their hearts.
The process that we are undertaking, the call to ministry, is a long, grinding road. It is designed to ensure that those who the church approves to be leaders are acceptable to the synod, regional and national authorities. It is also dehumanizing, humbling, taxing and troubling. We are enduring a four-year program to get a Masters degree. As one of my former co-workers told me when I was leaving, "Four years for what is traditionally a two-year degree? Must be one real special program." The program is special. But, we have so many hoops to jump through, we may be able to get part-time work in a circus. Except the hoops we must jump through are on fire. Hit just one, and you're burned and removed. The fear of failure, not because of actually failing, but of being on the wrong side or alienating someone who you meet once a year, is on campus. A summons to meet the candidacy committee has the same effect as being summoned to the principal's office. You fear that the worst can happen because it could. After you have made the decision to give up your life to answer a call from God, a group of people can tell you that it was a wrong number.
Most of us will leave this, and our sister institutions with student loans over $40,000 and possibly as much as $80,000. For a "job" that may pay $35,000 a year. For the pipe liners, that student loan debt is in addition to whatever they may be bringing with them from their just completed undergrad degree. But at least they'll have a long career to pay it off. Second career people, like me, won't have the undergrad debt, but will have a much shorter time to pay it off. I'm not dissing my younger classmates, but each of the groups will come to a first call with a mountain of debt and a limited ability to pay for it.
People have been in bed or in their rooms for days, up to a week in some cases and haven't gone to the doctors. Because our "Health Insurance" sucks. Someone looked at the health insurance I have to purchase and said "Don't get sick for 4 years." What it covers is enough to help us if we're in an accident. Heavens forbid that you may require a prescription. We don't have a prescription program. If you have an illness or condition that is treatable with medicine, you have to decide if the effects of your illness are more tolerable than something like not eating. The self-care that is preached to clergy means care for yourself, because you're on your own. The "health insurance" covers only us. The "community" we are a part of will not extend this "benefit" to family members. So spouses and children have to apply for government insurance. At the encouragement and urging of the Church. The church tells the families of its future leaders to go on Medicare or Medicaid or whatever the plan is called. When asked if there was any possible changes or if possible improvements were being investigated, student leaders were told to "not expect any miracles." How some of my classmates manage to get by with the prescriptions they need to take due to mild, treatable illnesses, I do not know.
To be able to eat on a regular basis, the students avail themselves of the Food Pantry. It is on campus and also serves the entire county, but the students use it to be able to feed themselves and their families. Community and communal meals are one of the norms here on campus. Going into the pantry, to take donated food because you can't afford to go to the store is a humbling walk down the stairs into self-pity. But like anything, it gets easier each time you leave a little piece of your heart and soul.
The spiritual care is another area of concern. The LTS does not have a pastor to the community. A seminary does not have someone assigned to the spiritual care of its students. It was determined to be "too expensive." Let's do the math. If each student at The LTS were charged an extra $250 per year, the 200 students would have $50,000 going to the seminary. Hey, if I'm already in debt up to my eyeballs, would it matter if the level went to my forehead? Do you think I could have made use of a pastor to talk to in the past two weeks? I probably would have brought a pillow and blanket. But there are more people with issues here than just me. People have had break-ups with long-term relationships, marital disputes over the tension created by the uncertainty of this process, issues with being away from family and friends, the uncertainty of where you will spend you life and what little say you have in it. But Coach, aren't all of the professors also pastors? Yes they are. And they meet every semester to determine if they feel you are worthy of continuing. So, yes you can tell a professor all of the issues you're dealing with, if you're prepared for your laundry to be discussed.
But through all of this, we persevere. This is our temptation. This is our test. We are willing to take whatever test is thrown before us, because we are sure of the strength of the call WE hear. If others don't think they hear it, if others don't think we are worthy, if others think we're too whiny and need to suck it up; those are their issues.
I have had a variety of my classmates talk to me about their reservations and concerns. I think my class may diminish by next fall. A flaming hoop may claim a person or two. Heck, there's a burning hoop calling my name. But I, and my classmates, have set our face on the goal. Even with all the hoops & poops we have to deal with, I can't imagine doing anything else. I can't imagine doing this with another group of sinners & saints. I rejoice in the Senior Assignments. I look forward to making my regional flash cards. I look forward to the prospective students who will be visiting the LTS and the other Lutheran seminaries, looking at their faces as they try to determine if this is the place they here their call the best. A year ago, I came to Gettysburg as a vacation, an excuse to come to this area. I left knowing this is where I needed to be. I salute my fellow seminarians with families. I know what I deal with by myself to do this. I lock myself in the library most every evening and all day Saturday to get everything done. How people can do this with spouses and children amazes me daily.
Does life here at the LTS suck sometimes? Yes, it does. Is life here at the LTS a glorious, joyful experience? Heck yeah. Would I trade my experience this year? No, other than wishing Gettysburg was closer to Michigan so I could have gotten home more. Not a day goes by when I don't have at least one idea, notion, or moment that makes me say "Wow." It could be a theological insight, a new way of looking at a passage, a glimpse into the life of one of my fellow students or an appreciation for the intricate beauty of God's creation. I do wish some of the powers that be in the ELCA or the LTS or somewhere could make the journey a little bit easier, a little bit less stressful, a little bit more Christian.
Now that my venting is over, I can get back to reading, writing, praying and praising. I have been called to proclaim the Good News. This I shall do, because I can do no other.
The process that we are undertaking, the call to ministry, is a long, grinding road. It is designed to ensure that those who the church approves to be leaders are acceptable to the synod, regional and national authorities. It is also dehumanizing, humbling, taxing and troubling. We are enduring a four-year program to get a Masters degree. As one of my former co-workers told me when I was leaving, "Four years for what is traditionally a two-year degree? Must be one real special program." The program is special. But, we have so many hoops to jump through, we may be able to get part-time work in a circus. Except the hoops we must jump through are on fire. Hit just one, and you're burned and removed. The fear of failure, not because of actually failing, but of being on the wrong side or alienating someone who you meet once a year, is on campus. A summons to meet the candidacy committee has the same effect as being summoned to the principal's office. You fear that the worst can happen because it could. After you have made the decision to give up your life to answer a call from God, a group of people can tell you that it was a wrong number.
Most of us will leave this, and our sister institutions with student loans over $40,000 and possibly as much as $80,000. For a "job" that may pay $35,000 a year. For the pipe liners, that student loan debt is in addition to whatever they may be bringing with them from their just completed undergrad degree. But at least they'll have a long career to pay it off. Second career people, like me, won't have the undergrad debt, but will have a much shorter time to pay it off. I'm not dissing my younger classmates, but each of the groups will come to a first call with a mountain of debt and a limited ability to pay for it.
People have been in bed or in their rooms for days, up to a week in some cases and haven't gone to the doctors. Because our "Health Insurance" sucks. Someone looked at the health insurance I have to purchase and said "Don't get sick for 4 years." What it covers is enough to help us if we're in an accident. Heavens forbid that you may require a prescription. We don't have a prescription program. If you have an illness or condition that is treatable with medicine, you have to decide if the effects of your illness are more tolerable than something like not eating. The self-care that is preached to clergy means care for yourself, because you're on your own. The "health insurance" covers only us. The "community" we are a part of will not extend this "benefit" to family members. So spouses and children have to apply for government insurance. At the encouragement and urging of the Church. The church tells the families of its future leaders to go on Medicare or Medicaid or whatever the plan is called. When asked if there was any possible changes or if possible improvements were being investigated, student leaders were told to "not expect any miracles." How some of my classmates manage to get by with the prescriptions they need to take due to mild, treatable illnesses, I do not know.
To be able to eat on a regular basis, the students avail themselves of the Food Pantry. It is on campus and also serves the entire county, but the students use it to be able to feed themselves and their families. Community and communal meals are one of the norms here on campus. Going into the pantry, to take donated food because you can't afford to go to the store is a humbling walk down the stairs into self-pity. But like anything, it gets easier each time you leave a little piece of your heart and soul.
The spiritual care is another area of concern. The LTS does not have a pastor to the community. A seminary does not have someone assigned to the spiritual care of its students. It was determined to be "too expensive." Let's do the math. If each student at The LTS were charged an extra $250 per year, the 200 students would have $50,000 going to the seminary. Hey, if I'm already in debt up to my eyeballs, would it matter if the level went to my forehead? Do you think I could have made use of a pastor to talk to in the past two weeks? I probably would have brought a pillow and blanket. But there are more people with issues here than just me. People have had break-ups with long-term relationships, marital disputes over the tension created by the uncertainty of this process, issues with being away from family and friends, the uncertainty of where you will spend you life and what little say you have in it. But Coach, aren't all of the professors also pastors? Yes they are. And they meet every semester to determine if they feel you are worthy of continuing. So, yes you can tell a professor all of the issues you're dealing with, if you're prepared for your laundry to be discussed.
But through all of this, we persevere. This is our temptation. This is our test. We are willing to take whatever test is thrown before us, because we are sure of the strength of the call WE hear. If others don't think they hear it, if others don't think we are worthy, if others think we're too whiny and need to suck it up; those are their issues.
I have had a variety of my classmates talk to me about their reservations and concerns. I think my class may diminish by next fall. A flaming hoop may claim a person or two. Heck, there's a burning hoop calling my name. But I, and my classmates, have set our face on the goal. Even with all the hoops & poops we have to deal with, I can't imagine doing anything else. I can't imagine doing this with another group of sinners & saints. I rejoice in the Senior Assignments. I look forward to making my regional flash cards. I look forward to the prospective students who will be visiting the LTS and the other Lutheran seminaries, looking at their faces as they try to determine if this is the place they here their call the best. A year ago, I came to Gettysburg as a vacation, an excuse to come to this area. I left knowing this is where I needed to be. I salute my fellow seminarians with families. I know what I deal with by myself to do this. I lock myself in the library most every evening and all day Saturday to get everything done. How people can do this with spouses and children amazes me daily.
Does life here at the LTS suck sometimes? Yes, it does. Is life here at the LTS a glorious, joyful experience? Heck yeah. Would I trade my experience this year? No, other than wishing Gettysburg was closer to Michigan so I could have gotten home more. Not a day goes by when I don't have at least one idea, notion, or moment that makes me say "Wow." It could be a theological insight, a new way of looking at a passage, a glimpse into the life of one of my fellow students or an appreciation for the intricate beauty of God's creation. I do wish some of the powers that be in the ELCA or the LTS or somewhere could make the journey a little bit easier, a little bit less stressful, a little bit more Christian.
Now that my venting is over, I can get back to reading, writing, praying and praising. I have been called to proclaim the Good News. This I shall do, because I can do no other.
Through these fields of destruction
Baptism of fire
I've watched all your suffering
As the battles raged higher
And though they did hurt me so bad
In the fear and alarm
You did not desert me
My brothers in arms
Brothers in Arms - Dire Straits
Baptism of fire
I've watched all your suffering
As the battles raged higher
And though they did hurt me so bad
In the fear and alarm
You did not desert me
My brothers in arms
Brothers in Arms - Dire Straits
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