It's The Mid-Season Break
I received an email from a member of my candidacy committee asking me how CPE was going. Here is (a slightly edited version of) my response.
How is CPE going? That's a loaded question.
It is ok. I've learned a lot so far, both about pastoral care and myself. I've confronted several cases that have been very reminiscent of some of the health issues my parents have faced. In all but one case, they have been mental reminders, and not emotional reminders. The one exception was when I was with a family when the patient died. Hearing the tone made by the heart monitor as it flat lined took me back to the day my father died. However, I was able to minister to the family and at that moment, and in the hours following. But once I was finished with them, and was alone, I had a good cry.
I am assigned to visit patients who are being cared in the cardiology and trauma follow-up departments. I volunteered for these areas because I wanted to confront the concerns I had about this experience. I have talked with my supervisor and my classmates about how I can use my experiences to my advantage when visiting with patients and their families. I only share parts of my story when I think it can help to gain trust through empathy with what the family is going through. I know that I need to keep the focus on the family, and not on me. I am their to minister to them, and never the other way around. Many of my emotional wounds are fresh, and not entirely scarred over, and I hope I can use them to be sensitive to the needs and concerns of the patients and their families.
I've realized that I can not do everything, and that I can not solve everyone's problems and I can not boost everyone's faith. But, I knew that before I started; I've just had vivid reminders, sometimes on a daily basis. I have grieved with families over their loss, sat with them in anticipation, talked to them about their faith and trust in God, prayed with them for strength and understanding. I have been able to celebrate with patients who have been able to go home in a better shape than they came in, and suffer with some who have had to come back in because of complications.
I am at a Level 1 Trauma Center that handles trauma cases for the area, some from hundreds of miles away are airlifted in for care. The chaplains is an intimate part of the Trauma team. A Chaplain responds to every incoming Trauma, and handles contacting and communication with the patient's family. We are in the Trauma Bay when the patient arrives. When the EMT's finish their report to the dozens of medical staff who respond to a trauma, they come to the Chaplain, Recording Nurse and Admissions staff to tell us what they know about the patient's identity. The Chaplain will go through the patient's personal effects to identify the patient and whom to contact. The Chaplain makes the phone calls to the patient's family, and meets with them when they arrive. We become the conduit between the family and the medical staff, and I have had to hound doctors to come to talk to the family.
On a recent overnight shift, I responded to nine trauma calls. Several were automobile accidents, with some families needing to be called and told their loved one has been rushed into the hospital. I have had to detour family who were following the ambulance away from the Trauma Bay so the doctors can treat the patient. I've had to sit with families while their children underwent emergency surgery in the Trauma Bay. I've sat with family members when the doctors have told them that their loved one may not survive. I've seen doctors working passionately to restore life to a woman whose heart had stopped. Then I teared up when one of the doctors who revived her thanked me for praying and reading a Psalm aloud as they worked on her. I've seen patients come in with multiple gunshots, with massive head trauma, with multiple broken bones. I've tried to deal with their families bruised, broken and crushed spirits. I don't know if I always said the right thing (if there is such a thing,) but I have always tried to be compassionate, caring and trying to be show them to love of God.
And we hit the halfway mark next week.
I can't say I am enjoying the experience because it is physically and emotionally draining. I can say I am appreciating the experience and the growth that I feel from it. I am trying to find a way to balance the highs and lows that comes with the chaplaincy role. Each day I go in, hoping that God can use me to in some way lighten the burden that a patient or their family are carrying that day. I hope that God's love and compassion can shine on them through my meager efforts.
How is CPE going? That's a loaded question.
It is ok. I've learned a lot so far, both about pastoral care and myself. I've confronted several cases that have been very reminiscent of some of the health issues my parents have faced. In all but one case, they have been mental reminders, and not emotional reminders. The one exception was when I was with a family when the patient died. Hearing the tone made by the heart monitor as it flat lined took me back to the day my father died. However, I was able to minister to the family and at that moment, and in the hours following. But once I was finished with them, and was alone, I had a good cry.
I am assigned to visit patients who are being cared in the cardiology and trauma follow-up departments. I volunteered for these areas because I wanted to confront the concerns I had about this experience. I have talked with my supervisor and my classmates about how I can use my experiences to my advantage when visiting with patients and their families. I only share parts of my story when I think it can help to gain trust through empathy with what the family is going through. I know that I need to keep the focus on the family, and not on me. I am their to minister to them, and never the other way around. Many of my emotional wounds are fresh, and not entirely scarred over, and I hope I can use them to be sensitive to the needs and concerns of the patients and their families.
I've realized that I can not do everything, and that I can not solve everyone's problems and I can not boost everyone's faith. But, I knew that before I started; I've just had vivid reminders, sometimes on a daily basis. I have grieved with families over their loss, sat with them in anticipation, talked to them about their faith and trust in God, prayed with them for strength and understanding. I have been able to celebrate with patients who have been able to go home in a better shape than they came in, and suffer with some who have had to come back in because of complications.
I am at a Level 1 Trauma Center that handles trauma cases for the area, some from hundreds of miles away are airlifted in for care. The chaplains is an intimate part of the Trauma team. A Chaplain responds to every incoming Trauma, and handles contacting and communication with the patient's family. We are in the Trauma Bay when the patient arrives. When the EMT's finish their report to the dozens of medical staff who respond to a trauma, they come to the Chaplain, Recording Nurse and Admissions staff to tell us what they know about the patient's identity. The Chaplain will go through the patient's personal effects to identify the patient and whom to contact. The Chaplain makes the phone calls to the patient's family, and meets with them when they arrive. We become the conduit between the family and the medical staff, and I have had to hound doctors to come to talk to the family.
On a recent overnight shift, I responded to nine trauma calls. Several were automobile accidents, with some families needing to be called and told their loved one has been rushed into the hospital. I have had to detour family who were following the ambulance away from the Trauma Bay so the doctors can treat the patient. I've had to sit with families while their children underwent emergency surgery in the Trauma Bay. I've sat with family members when the doctors have told them that their loved one may not survive. I've seen doctors working passionately to restore life to a woman whose heart had stopped. Then I teared up when one of the doctors who revived her thanked me for praying and reading a Psalm aloud as they worked on her. I've seen patients come in with multiple gunshots, with massive head trauma, with multiple broken bones. I've tried to deal with their families bruised, broken and crushed spirits. I don't know if I always said the right thing (if there is such a thing,) but I have always tried to be compassionate, caring and trying to be show them to love of God.
And we hit the halfway mark next week.
I can't say I am enjoying the experience because it is physically and emotionally draining. I can say I am appreciating the experience and the growth that I feel from it. I am trying to find a way to balance the highs and lows that comes with the chaplaincy role. Each day I go in, hoping that God can use me to in some way lighten the burden that a patient or their family are carrying that day. I hope that God's love and compassion can shine on them through my meager efforts.
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