Don't be afraid of the dark

I was invited to talk to the Junior Class here at THE LTS about CPE and when I finished, I realized I may have been a little on the dark side while talking to them. Chatting with some of them, and some of my classmates later, I guess my dark was not quite descriptive enough.

I didn't have fun during CPE. I don't think anyone does, but my CPE at the Chocolate Factory was really tough. I'm still dealing with my dad's death and spending the summer in a hospital away from family was not my favorite idea. But the experience was good for me. It made me confront some issues, raised a bunch of others, and has some issues that I'm still coming to grips with. While writing a reflection paper on CPE, I found I wrote a couple of sentences that made me confront feelings I hadn't expressed or really acknowledged. Things I haven't shared much because it is still too sore.

Sooooooooooo, maybe I wasn't the one to talk to a bunch of nervous, up to their eyeballs newbies who are wondering just what they've been called into. Maybe I was the right one. Dunno. That type of thinking is way beyond my pay grade and too deep in the theological hoopla to process right now.

For some reason, this song has been stuck in my brain since that talk. Dunno why, the lyrics don't really match with what I said or felt.

Life in a Northern Town - Dream Academy

Except ...
I had always had the nagging feeling in the back of my head that I would lose one of my parents when I came out here. And I can't stop thinking that I lost my dad because I came out here. There's no good reason for me to think that. The whole set of permeutations of what may or may not have happened are just too vast and deep to think about. But I do.

The evening had turned to rain
Watch the water roll down the drain,
As we followed him down
To the station
And though he never would wave goodbye,
You could see it written in his eyes
As the train rolled out of sight
Bye-bye.

Maybe I do know why the song's stuck on replay.