Don't Understand

from the October 2015 Messenger

My Big Guy confuses me. A lot.

I’ve messed up a few times recently. While I’ve been pretty good about only chewing on the stuff My Big Guy gives me, I chewed through a couple of toys. And a blanket. And a chair leg.

I’m working on not barking and growling at you when you come to the parsonage or his office or near him, but some times I feel I have to show that I’m tough.

One time when he went away on Sunday (I know which day Sunday is because I don’t get to come with him, even though he puts on a collar that goes all around his neck just like mine) and I made a mess in the house. I usually can wait until he gets home, but this time, I couldn’t hold it.

Then there was the time I tripped him. I really wanted him to play with me and the new toy he gave me. I thought he was going one way, and he went another way. I got behind him and he fell down. He hit the chair I had been chewing on and landed hard. I was so glad that he wasn’t hurt, only sore.

I knew that I messed up, and was waiting to get punished. I deserved to get punished.

But each time he didn’t yell, or put me in time away. He said some words I hadn’t heard before, but he looked at me and said, “That’s ok.”

I didn’t understand.

I messed up. I ruined stuff. I pooped inside. I made him fall and hurt him.

I deserved to get in trouble. But I didn’t.

I know he was disappointed or unhappy with me, but he hasn’t punished me. And that confuses me.

When he reads to me from the Bible, he talks about how God forgives us for our sins. I’m not sure how it works, but because God gave his Son to the world, and even though the world rejected him and killed him, through Jesus, our sins and mess ups are forgiven.

But we still feel guilty for what we’ve done.

We struggle to forgive ourselves even though we are forgiven.

I think that is where I’m confused by My Big Guy. We both know that I’ve messed up, and he forgives me.

But I’m not sure I’ve forgiven myself. Because I know I let him down.

I try to make it up so by giving him one of my toys, or by putting my head on his lap and letting him know that I love him. I don’t have to do that to earn back his love.

Because he already loves me.

Just like God loves you. And him. And bulldogges.

Licks and Love, Ananias